Erica Leigh,

Here is where I am drawing the line. 

No more daily posts. 

From now on, it shall be whenever I feel like it…hahaha.

I love life,

I love God,

I love people,

I love everything,

I love the weather…

<3

Hello gorgeous weather on Memorial Day weekend.

Im still unsure of the turnout this weekend.  I hope it will be a blast.  It seems as though everything in my sophomore year is just not going the way I would hope so, but you know what?  This summer/next year, I will make sure it goes as planned.  I really miss some things, I was just looking at pictures/videos from the past two years.  My life has been so great, and I’ve been so blessed.  Honestly, I’m so so so so so thankful for everything.  I know some days I may feel like my world is just SO BAD, but really, I couldn’t ask for anything else.  I love my life.

Possible today plans:

1. Nothing (hopefully not the case, haha).

2. Hanging out with Brianna?

3. Hanging out with Shannon?

TOMORROW = EDGE MEMORIAL DAY PARTY/MAYA SLEEPING OVER.  That’s why I love this weekend.  Maya.  She’s my favorite. 

Next week is going to be odd, we have only one full day of school! <3

Family is great, no exceptions.

Even though they can be a pain at times (such as when you’re supposed to attend your friend’s sweet sixteen that they came up to Michigan especially to have, and they inform you that you won’t be able to make it), they’re priceless.  Senior skip day was yesterday! Haha, just kidding.  Well, it was, but not for me, obviously—I’m no senior.  But writing letters in Chorale was a fun way to spend first hour, and admiring a boy in my health class was entertaining enough to get my through second, lunch was actually good, considering we were allowed to go outside and there was a DJ, etc.  Math was funny, the guys in there are just so impressed with things outside the windows, which I find hilarious.  Apparently C lunch was the place to be, a food fight broke out but was immediately stopped by administration <—no fun.  I’m bummed that I was unable to witness it, it would have been a great addition to my day.  English is always the best part of my day, but yesterday’s class was hysterical.  Kyle Thrushman honestly makes my day. (I believe I have said “my day” about 4 times now…I should really learn more expressions). 

Jake’s party was just what I needed.  I actually love my family.  And Jake is definitely my favorite cousin.  (Other than Maya and Alex, of course).  Speaking of Maya, she’s coming over Sunday…and I AM SO EXCITED.  She’s seriously my best friend, and it’s awesome because she’ll always be my cousin, so it’s the best friend that will never leave :)

<3

Hello, today is Thursday.

Okay smarty, I know it’s not Thursday.  But hang in there.  I was busy to the extreme writing my essay.  I finally finished 2 1/2 pages (the requirement), only to discover I hadn’t double spaced.  That spacing added another 2 pages, so I was forced to take out important details and try to downsize it…oh, I gave up.  I reduced it to about 3 pages and figured I’d rather get marked down on that than leaving something useful out. 

Essays are a complicated thing, especially if you’re writing about someone you know and love.  I find it easier to talk about people you are unfamiliar with because you are able to judge their actions in the same way the teacher might—rather than being close with someone, analyzing the way they act with the precautions of their personality, which might be a different way than the teacher would look at things.  Blah, I’m odd.  Talking school when it’s a Saturday on a long weekend. 

<3

I’ve been a little behind.

Wednesday was the same old thing, and I’m starting to notice I read a lot.  Haha, it’s a good thing though, I suppose.  What I really need, is something to spice up my week.  I should go to New Community on Wednesday nights.  I shall go next Wednesday.  See, my thought process is simple like that, hahaha. 

Hmm, still no boys to report.  I’m actually really happy :)  See you on Thursday (aka the update I will post within the next 20 minutes due to the fact that I missed about four days worth of writing).

<3

First time in about a week where the post that belongs to the particular day is actually posted on that day.  What a jumble of words right there.

Life.  It’s time for an actual update, and a reality check.  I seem to be living in the dream world in which I’m fantasizing my fairy tale ending to the school year.  But in turn, I’m not doing anything to achieve it.  That ends…now.  I officially proclaim my vows to do my best work in the end of this term and start off the summer smoothly.  I’m starting that by finishing up The Power of A Praying Teen (amazing book), journaling my happy thoughts and all around prayers,  starting the book Dateable (recommended to me by the lovely miss Rachel Saigh), finishing all my homework on time…for the most part (if not on time for the school day, in health class…shhhhh), and trying to enjoy what I have left of my sophomore year.  Yes, I still miss IA.  I always will.  But the realization I have to make is I can’t change where I am at right now.  I can, however, improve the conditions in which I live. 

I’m learning guitar.  I’m obsessed with it.  I don’t even care if I’m not playing the right notes or strumming the right rhythm.  I just want to play and sing my heart out.  I love it.

Speaking of obsessions, I’ve become a bit of a freak when it comes to this weather.  I’ll get home from school and lay outside from about 3:30 to 6:00.  Surprisingly, I’m not burnt yet.

So, I’ve started to bring God into my school days.  We’ll see how that plays out.  I’m excited for this, because I know that’s the way I really need to live.

Oh, as for the boys problem (you knew this was coming), I’m still working on that.  I’m not wishing and hoping and waiting anymore.  I’m not going to spend my time chasing after people and pursuing relationships that will not last.  I’ve said this before, but now I truly believe it.  God will place someone in my life that I can love and cherish.  It’s all in due time.  Christina Lane and I proclaimed that Jesus is our boyfriend.  Yet another senior that I am going to tear up while saying goodbye to.

I’m excited and nervous for this summer.  June 20/21/22 are going to be filled with time spent with my best friends (all of which go to different schools).  Florida and Cedar Point are somewhere in the mix, and then when we fast forward to August, I’ll be seeing Justin Bieber and Sean Kingston live at the Palace, working in inner city Detroit on a mission trip, and heading up to Mackinac Island with my best friend (Shannon Nicole Gronevelt) and my family. 

I should probably get to doing something more productive than this, though I do enjoy typing my thoughts.  Thanks for reading :)

<3

Hi, my name is Erica, I absolutely adore my small group, I’m getting right with God, and I need more interesting posts.

This weather?  Gorgeous.  Alisha/Rachel Saigh & Ali Newman? Priceless.  We eat, we chit-chat, we talk about the REAL stuff, we read the bible, we journal, we realize things about ourselves through each other.  That goes for every member of my small group, not just these three.  Currently I’m composing an essay in which I compare my small group leader, Alisha, to Frederick Douglass (an extraordinary individual as Mr. Bishop likes to refer to him as).  Though I don’t particularly enjoy the writing process of this essay, and my perfection of procrastination is biting me in the behind, I can tell it’s going to be an essay for the record books, so I hope. 

Three weeks until I’m a junior, that’s big.  Graduation for seniors is coming up so fast, and it’s getting to the point where it’s “unfair” that we, as underclassmen, have to continue on in hard work while the upperclassmen can breeze by.  But, I appreciate school as much as I always have…or as little, depending on the way you interpret that. 

<3 Oh hey, I love God. 

EDGE, is my life.

Basically, I will sum up the remainder of my weekend with the simple word EDGE. 
It’s my favorite part of the week anyway, apart from small group.  Every week is something new and exciting, I’m just sad that it will be over for the summer pretty soon.  EDGE PARTIES: I’m so stoked.

<3

Chinese food + Great Lakes + miniature golf + traveling to six different places looking for animal rubber band bracelets + eva’s + finally finding the bracelets = my Saturday excursion with Nicole Dasich.

It was crazy.  From “could choo lie mo jinks?” (apparently meaning “would you like more drinks”), to attempting to slyly steal more fortune cookies, Outdoor World adventures, changing clothes in the bathroom, exploring Forever21’s selection of sunglasses and hairthings, chasing the golf balls as they headed toward the water, skipping two holes because of the slowpokes in front of us, getting smoothies at Target in our search for the rubber bands and finding they only have fast food & medical ones, going to Meijer and getting told that they have them at Border’s, heading over to borders (struggle) to find that they have them at Walgreen’s, running to the first Walgreen’s (sold out), another Walgreen’s (sold out at the warehouse…so we were told), finally giving up and filling up on Eva’s, being blessed with Bryce to tell us they have a ton of the bracelets at Hallmark, and basically worshiping the women who work there because we finally found them after all our hard work…what a great day.

After that, I went to Camille Clark’s bonfire!  S’mores are just so good, I couldn’t resist.  It was a fun night, though most of the time I had no clue what was going on (they were talking about band things…figures :)), hahaha. 

<3

Friday, felt like a Tuesday.

I didn’t do all that much, but watching The Time Traveller’s Wife put me to tears.  About 1 in the morning, my parents got in a huge screaming fit, waking me up from my already 15 minute slumber (I went to bed a little late…explain why in a second) by leaving the house and shouting nasty, nasty comments.  It was a nightmare.  But, I was talking to Colorado—codename—this whole time, and he cheered me up so much.  I guess when he comes to Michigan this summer I’ll give him a shot…who knows. 

<3

Thursday.  Well, it felt like a Friday. The choir concert, though incredibly long, was AMAZING.

I don’t really know that many seniors, but I just realized how much I’ll miss them.  Especially the members of my small group like Ali Newman.  It was an honor to sing with her at the concert, she’s got a wonderful voice :)

I’m now looking forward to being older.  I honestly cannot wait until summer rolls around in a few weeks.  

Oh, and Omnia Sol at graduation? Not a dry eye is going to be left.  I love that song.

<3

</3, and that’s all I have to say.

Almond Joys are my best friend.

So much to say, so little time.  I just need it to be summer already.  Life would be so much easier…I seriously cannot wait. Oh and hello, I’m in love with the name Greyson, and I have decided to add that to the list of possible future baby names.  Right now, the list stands at:

Girls

• Dahlia
• Marnie
• Leigh
• Tara
• Valerie
• Lillian
• Whitney
• Isabelle
• Avery

Boys

• Nathan
• Stanton
  
• Oakley
• Keaton
• Cohen
• William
• Channing
• Parker
• Tristen
• Hayden
• Peyton
• Skylar
• Hadley
• Greyson
  
• Jacob

<3

The next Justin Bieber.  Youtube him, because he is absolutely amazing.

ASHLEY SPANO IS PREGNANT.  AND I’M SO EXCITED FOR HER. <3

Minor freak-out.  My bad.  Monday…Monday, Monday, Monday.  What an interesting day.  My “text-tag” game with Colorado (think, code names from previous updates) caught up with me and I ended up hearing how he is going to join the army as a bomb technician?  That slightly worries me.  But I won’t get into that.  I also found out good and bad news last night.  The bad news isn’t something to share on a public website…but everything is going to be okay, don’t worry!  The good news, well, lets just say it was worthy of causing butterflies.  But I can’t say that either, for fear of others reading this.  Wow, I feel so limited right now in my freedom to express my feelings on this blog. 

I’ve officially decided I love Justin Bieber, despite the fact that many refer to him as a 12-year-old-girl.  He’s not…okay, just because you’re jealous that he has a better range than you and get’s more girls than you (speaking to his man-haters)…doesn’t give you the right to say untrue statements about him.  I’m not so much a fan of some of his ways, but I support him and his music actually is good, for a change from the REALLY good stuff…haha. 

My small group girls are amazing.  Honestly, I love them.  So incredibly much.  More than you can imagine.  <3

Sunday…that was an adventure. 

Well, I went to the 9:30 service at Kensington instead of the 11:00 one for the first time, which was a change in plans.  My parents and I went to breakfast after, and I wasted a perfectly good opportunity for my eating pleasure (hahaha, awkward wording) on throwing a fit in a public Big Boy.  It wasn’t a fit, technically.  Just a running of emotions that caused me to laugh/cry the whole time I could have been eating.  My parents weren’t pleased at this, but it was out of my control.  Probably one of the weirdest things I’ve experienced yet.  (No, I’m not some maniac that throws fits in restaurants, I just had a lot going on and no way of letting it out).  Anyway, after that I hung out with my friend that I have never actually hung out with…surprisingly, I had fun.  I can’t go into detail partly because a) I’m starving and about ready to go eat something, and b) I don’t feel like typing so much about our excursion to Dave & Busters/Sam’s Club/Flower Factory/my house (where the poor child sat in water and had to have my mother dry his pants…hahaha).

THE EDGE SERVICE SUNDAY NIGHT WAS INCREDIBLE.  For all of you that don’t attend Edge, or don’t know what it is, you definitely should look into it.  That program has shaped my life.  I just love it. <3

Three days late?  That’s a new record.

Saturday…nothing really happened, hahaha.  I watched Post Grad with my parents—a very good movie, I must admit, considering I want to be a journalist and it semi-related.  It was cute too, in the sense that her (the main character’s) love interest was so sweet (and attractive).  But that’s about all Saturday consisted of.  I’ve been so tired.  <3

*I guess it’s weird to keep updating pointless things if it’s on the wrong day, but I guess it helps me keep track.

Oh, wow.  Many things happened yesterday.

I’m not exactly at the point where I can express my feelings effectively about last night, but it was one of the best days ever!  I honestly love Shannon’s neighborhood, hahaha.  Later in the night, I got a total surprise shoved in my face.  And that’s what I don’t understand.  How can you be completely over somebody, then see them again and get the same feelings back?  Gosh, it’s a struggle.  But, whatever.

So, I’ve been thinking a lot lately.  And I miss so many incredible things.  I wish I never had to leave IA, though I do still love my life at Lake Orion.  I wish I could have stayed friends with a lot of people that I grew apart from, because they still mean so much to me and our memories are so priceless.  I wish I didn’t let so much of my self go in the past couple months, but I’ve learned so much.  As much as I miss everything so dearly, I also know that there are better times still ahead.  This summer is going to be filled with amazing things and I can’t wait.

I need a boy.  Still.  But I’m working on that :)

That is all.

<3

I have nothing to update about.  Actually, I have everything to tell you, but no words to put it in.

UGH I MISS LIFE AND THINGS AND PEOPLE AND CERTAIN SONGS AND FRESHMAN YEAR AND MIDDLE SCHOOL AND THE WAY THINGS USED TO BE HGAW$EJHYSE> LAK$TS <YNTR!EAWDTFYMRDJY <—-That was my display of frustration.

<3

It’s only a Wednesday?  Dearest weekend, please come faster.

Temptation.  The subject of today’s chapter in The Power of a Praying Teen, and an issue that hits pretty close to a girl’s heart.  It’s not only pressure to do “bad” things: drugs, alcohol, sex — I’m not talking about that — it’s feeling confused, discouraged, guilty, fearful, depressed, and defeated…in any aspect of your life.  The following is a sample of what I’ve learned today:

Dealing with confusion: Your purpose in life is nothing to be confused about.  God has a clear plan laid out for you, and has had this same plan since the day you were born.  Every little action, every thought, every blink, has been specifically planned.  You were strategically placed to change the world in the way God has planned for you.  It’s important that you know this, and keep it in the back of your mind every day…because the enemy knows it as well.  He can use your lack of knowing this (if, indeed, you don’t believe it) and deceive you into thinking he is going to win the battle between good and evil…leading to your confusion about right and wrong…when in reality, he has already lost. 

Dealing with discouragement, fears, and guilt: Satan’s way of gaining control over you is making you doubt yourself.  If you become discouraged about something you feel you cannot master, turn it into something positive.  Don’t stay in the negative thinking zone, for that makes you weak, and allows the enemy to enter and start on the path to your destruction. If you fear something, don’t let the fear progress…face it.  If you feel guilt for something, confess it.  Do not sit in wonder and sorrow waiting for the weight to be lifted off your shoulders.  That is prime time for the enemy to take advantage of you.

Dealing with depression and defeat:  Always know that God loves you unconditionally.  There is nothing, and I mean nothing that should steer you on a path in which you constantly struggle with knowing God and feeling loved.  Sure, there will come a time when nothing seems to be going right…but better things are coming.  Think of the bad times as preparation for the best times. 

On Ali Newman’s blog, there is a quote that I absolutely LOVE…

A woman’s heart should be so lost in God that a man must seek Him in order to find her. -Maya Angelou

I just love God.  He’s absolutely incredible.  Life is absolutely beautiful.

And yes, that was my religious ramble for the day.  In other news…

Boys.  The recurring issue in almost every daily update.  It’s incredibly hard to resist loving someone…and if you haven’t yet done so, try it.  You’ll find it is more difficult to bear than even resisting other temptations.  <—There is is again, the topic from above.  Anyway, forget about the three new boys I’ve mentioned as of a few days ago.  I still have no one, and as lonely as I feel, I’m keeping the hope that it will all work out in my favor.  I’m satisfied knowing that.

Someone is very awkward to walk by in the hallway.  He and I have continuous support for each other over text, but never actually speak in person any longer, and for some reason I still can’t help missing our past. 

I’m having trouble wording how I feel today.  I should probably hop in the shower right about now, I might update later if my thoughts are collected by then.

<3

A quarter of the way to 100.

Well I don’t have much to say, other than the fact that life is weird and I have no better description than that.  I am looking forward to this summer with an open mind and no expectations.  I’ll leave the rest to the Big Guy (God) and trust in Him to bless me with amazing experiences. 

Today wasn’t as successful as yesterday.  I’m so confused with everything regarding the male species.  Things should be easier than they are. 

I’m not a fan of typing tonight, in fact I am moving my fingers across this keyboard very slowly at the moment.  I better go get ready to hit the hay, so chúc ngủ ngon (goodnight in Vietnamese).

<3

Alright, hey guys.  I’ve been informed that my blog is being checked by people that don’t follow me on this website so I now feel the need to clarify things.  No, I do not like Tiago (I said his name for you, just so you know what I’m talking about…for those of you who don’t, this is the child nicknamed “Germany”).  There is nothing going on there actually, I apologize if I may have raised some concern, and this is my way of telling you — no worries.  In this blog, I’ve admitted to thinking I was in love with him, but this was a long time ago and quite frankly I’ve decided it will probably never happen again.  I write this blog for my friends to read, but mainly for myself.  It helps me rid of the feelings going on inside when I don’t have other outlets.  Sometimes, this might lead to misinterpretations and misunderstandings, when in reality I don’t mean it to.  I have thought a lot about the issue of Tiago in the back of my mind, and though I want to have hope that “it”…whatever it was, whatever we had, will happen again this summer, I highly doubt it will.  I plan on visiting with him as friends.  Nothing more.  And I’m sorry that you — whoever is out there reading this — have been understanding that I still love him…it was just a mere fantasy in my mind I suppose.  A girl can dream, right?  Hahaha, but I have had this reality check and there’s no longer a need to monitor posts about him or about my life in general, if there is indeed anybody out there doing so.  Thank you :)

<3

Facebook Break Day 1.

I wish to have days like today, every day.  This has proven to be one of the most successful days I’ve had in a long time.  I don’t remember so much of what happened at school because it was nothing special…but I actually ate breakfast this morning (which is unusual for me, yes), and was ready to go to school earlier than normal.  After school was where the real fun&games began…though it wasn’t literally “fun and games” (I wish), I’m genuinely happy with myself and my day.  <—Which seems to be why I’m rambling a bit.

After school: a walk home in beautiful weather, an hour soaking up the sun on my deck (reading The Power of a Praying Teen), half an hour of intense walking at an 8 degree incline at 4 miles per hour (for all you math whizzes out there, what did that result in?  Correct!  Exactly two miles uphill.), finishing of math homework for tomorrow and Thursday as well as the project (which took me 2 hours, might I add…but left me with a total understanding of what we’re learning now), completing Frederick Douglass Narrative questions, a slightly longer shower than normal, and here we are.

I’m loving the fact that today was amazing…and there wasn’t even much to it.  I intend to continue this path of good days.  Anyway, today marks the first of many “Facebook Break” days.  I am committed to this, though I am anxiously awaiting a few emails from that German love of mine…they can wait for the weekend.  I’m going to try this break from social networking — haha, sounds so technical — each week, meaning I’m only online on weekends.  I’ll still update my blog and Gmail it up, obviously.  But Facebook seemed to be taking too much of my time…I’m glad to be off of it.

Today’s chapter in the incredible book I’m reading (The Power of a Praying Teen…wow, mentioned twice in the same update…it must be a big deal) dealt with forgiveness.  I’ve realized there are many people I need to forgive before I may be set free, leaving them in the hands of God.  I feel as though it’s too personal for me to put on my blog their names, and for most my descriptions will give them away.  As of today, I have forgiven a lot of you…whoever you may be.  For big things, for small things, for anything.  I take this as a major step in coming closer to God, and this journey is becoming more and more breathtaking at every turn.  Today was forgiveness.  Today I forgave.  And I feel amazing.

As for the other aspects of my documented life, I shall update on the boy situation…like it matters.  There are a few I need to add in here, other than Colorado and Germany (we’re using code names now, did you catch on?)…and I think I’ll call them Ohio, Lake Orion, and 5th.  When I met Ohio, I had no intentions of our friendship developing into a “fling.”  Even now, I feel as though it’d be weird because he’s one of the sweetest friends I’ve come across, and I’d like to keep him that way.  But he’s different than the others in the way that he genuinely cares about me, about my feelings, about everything on my mind, and I love that about him.  The only reason I’m thinking of him in a slightly romantic way, though, is because I’ve “heard through the grapevine” that he’s working up the courage to ask me out.  Am I just desperate and in search of anyone to fill the role of “boyfriend?”  The answer: no.  I just care about him.  I have decided (just now, actually, in writing this out) that when the time comes, I shall say no to the asking of me out.  “Asking of me out?”…hello awkward wording.  Let’s move on.  Lake Orion is a pretty good friend of mine, who also seems to be crushing on me, according to one of my insider friends.  (I sound like some secret agent…sorry.)  However, he’s shorter than me, older than me, and not so attractive, but so sweet.  I would just rather remain friends because our friendship is so cool (for lack of a better word), and he’s almost like a brother to me.  But I had the biggest crush on him in middle school.  Good times.  Moving on yet again.  5th. This has been a running nickname since about…homecoming, I’d say.  Gosh, how I fell for him.  But he lied to me…and I’d give a perfect simile here but I forgot it, so imagine I did.  He lied in every shape and form about drug&alcohol use, as well as being in love with his “best friend,” though he claimed to be “in love” with me.  To set the record straight, I never loved him.  But I did fall fast and hard, and I still have feelings for the kid.  I think they may never go away…and though I just forgave him today for the things that hurt me…I still have a hard time trusting him, and wouldn’t exactly be able to give him my all if things actually worked out for us.  The story is, we ended our “thing” at my friend’s party because it was lame and neither one of us was courageous enough to talk to the other on a daily basis so almost everything existed in either silence in person or texting, and because of the lies I finally uncovered.  He moved on to his best friend, and I was left…with no one.  Yes, this is the last boy I’ve “talked to.”  The one you may have heard a little bit about.  But now, I suppose the two (5th & his best friend) have decided to just remain friends.  My friend seems to believe he’s fallen for me again, but I doubt it.  Only time will tell.  Longest entry about boys…I’m not even sure why I’m writing about them.

I should probably get to bed at a decent hour, so I’m off to count some sheep.

<3

 [Deuteronomy 6:5]

Mother’s Day.  I love that woman with my entire life and everything I have.  She has provided me with everything I’ll ever need to lead a successful life, has given up so very much on my behalf, and has put me in a position where I have no choice but to dedicate my life to her (as well as my other family members).

Church, Mr. B’s, Letters to Juliet, Shopping.  That was pretty much today in a nutshell.  My family is a constant surprise, and I’m forever grateful for this.  A normal lunch turned into a fest of “Shrek” Ping Pong, in which my mother and father just about set the record.  I love my life so much.

Letters to Juliet.  By far one of the sweetest movies out today, almost beating The Notebook.  It’s hard to wait for a love demonstrated in movies like this, but that’s what I want.  I definitely will not settle for less, second best, the alternative.  My fairytale is going to happen, whether or not it’s soon or a long, long time from now.  Call me stubborn, but I wholeheartedly believe that reality can be as beautiful as movies portray it to be.  After all, what do they have to base movies off of, unless they’re just crazy imaginative.  Some of it has to be true/possible.

Lately, I’ve been noticing the beauty in a lot of different things.  I don’t know what it is, but it’s an amazing take on life.  God’s blessed me with so much, and I can barely express my thanks. 

I feel so alone sometimes.  I have a great family and amazing friends, so it’s crazy that I could even feel this way, but it’s the whole boy situation.  I’m not used to this.  It’s growing on me more and more each day, but I just wish I had someone again, even if it’s not the romantic relationship I’m looking for.  However, what I’ve noticed is…these days, the guys I once thought could be incredibly sweet and charming are looking less and less appealing.  It could just be the realization that most are in relationships at this age for the physical aspect (which, is repulsing to me), but who knows.  I still don’t understand why I’m so down in the dumps about it though…

On the subject of boys, Mr. Wonderful still hasn’t appeared yet, but Mr. Almost-Perfect (being the love currently located in Germany) has updated me on his situation.  He’s planning a trip to Michigan in July, I guess, and is for sure moving back to the United States.  I’m nervous, because I just know it’s not going to be the same, no matter how much I need/want it to be.  Actually, I’m internally trying to ready myself for the hurt that’s going to come if things aren’t the way they used to be.  In reality, I’m overly excited and through all of my doubt a glimmering sliver of hope shines through.  I truly, honestly, deeply loved him.  I’m just waiting in wonder, now, to figure out if I still do.

<3

Yesterday.  IAESF2010.  <—In other words, IA East’s Spring Fling 2010. What a blast…

For the most part it was an enjoyable night.  Dinner at Olga’s (wow, this is just a recurring incident in my blogging life) led to a fantastically freezing excursion in search of Erica Gohil’s house.  Our pictures were borderline failure, however we did manage to get SOME good ones out of over 200.  The dance was good, basically spent being a loner with Ruth because the other members of BEER found men, and when two guys came up behind us to dance, Ruth and I acted badly so they’d leave.  It was hilarious.  But in the end, someone hurt my best friend, and it made all of us pretty angry.  This was the first IA dance I’ve been to where I didn’t leave all mad/sad.  And the first time I’ve seen [insert ex boyfriend’s name here] dance with another girl and not feel any lingering hurt from the past. 

<3

Yesterday was a rough one when I came home from school.  This weather seems to be putting a damper on good days.

After the fight I had with my mother, I was unable to go dress shopping with Brianna…(therefore, I’m about to leave and do it today).  When my dad came home, though, things got better.  We ended up having a nice family night playing games and watching Twister.  It was a relaxing yet boring day. 

I’ve also decided not to go on Facebook much anymore.  We’ll see how that goes, but it’s a total distraction (and waste of valuable time) that I don’t want in my life anymore! 

The Colorado guy…hasn’t been talking to me lately.  I told you, I tend to fall for his traps.  Why do you think it is that I find it hard to trust any other guy?  Ding ding ding, you’re the winner if you said it’s because of these promises that have been made and broken over and over by the same guy. 

<3

Ironic that a milestone update is delayed by two days (hence the two question marks instead of one).

I still don’t even remember what happened on Thursday.   I know that my dog, Sugar, is pretty much scheduled to be put down sometime next week.  I’m not sure that it saddens me, because in “doggie heaven” she’ll be able to run free on all four legs, instead of hobbling on three and dragging one behind her (last week she had something like a stroke and lost control of her back right leg).  But also, I love her, because she’s been here my entire life and before that.  It is time to let her go, but it’s going to be hard.

<3 

I’ve got a secret for you: I miss you dearly.

Basically another day with no time for a full update.  It was pretty boring today, definitely not as productive as yesterday.  Hopefully tomorrow will be better.  You know the feeling you get when you’re creepin’ on your old friend’s (or ex boyfriend’s) facebook and you see something you wish you hadn’t (like him talking the exact same way he used to…to you) and your heart sinks to your toes?  I had that a moment ago.  I don’t miss him but I just miss being with him.  This isn’t any of the guys I’ve mentioned before.  Crazy, right?  I’ve had too many relationships…and none of them truly count in the long run except for one.  Maybe that’s why I’ve been so concentrated on getting a boy lately, because I don’t have much experience being without one.  It’s funny how in my last post I was talking about how I am going to stop talking about boys…well, it’s back…excuse that.  I think this time frame minus guy drama is working wonders for me.  I’ve been able to direct my attention toward schoolwork and important things rather than devoting time to an individual that won’t be in my life forever.  I’m still waiting for Mr. Wonderful to show up, but I can wait a little longer.  Wow, I should really stop talking about this, I bet it’s getting old.

Well it’s bedtime for me, I’m out.  <3

My writing time yesterday was taken up by playing iSketch with William Wharton…which is surprisingly a fun game.  So this is late but I promise it will be excellent.

I had the most productive day yesterday, and experienced many realizations.  The previously mentioned boy from Colorado?  He’s out of the question now.  I always seem to fall in his silly little traps.  Guess I still don’t know when to trust and when to let go.  Maybe it’s different this time, but we’ll see.  Meanwhile, I’m not concentrating on that anymore.  The love from Germany?  Still in the question.  (Whatever that means…I was going for continuing the theme, bear with me).  But in all honesty I have no idea what’s going to happen when I see him.  I don’t even know if I will see him, it depends on when I have plans…but I’ll drop a lot to see him even for a little, he means that much.  But for now, my focus is not going to be directed at boys any longer.  I know that God is going to bless me with whatever is to come, and I can wait for that :)

So yesterday, school was fantastic as usual, my walk home was pleasing, and I suddenly got a burst of energy and inspiration to work out…so I did, on the treadmill.  Then read The Power of a Praying Teen (which I wholeheartedly recommend) outside while tanning.  I worked my way through two whole chapters, then finished with reading the first five chapters of Job - a book of the bible.  All of what I read seemed to fall in place with my day, and it almost brought me to tears.  God is working in fantastic ways, and I felt the need to share that with you, whether you are a follower, believer, or non-believer. 

When I came across the sentence “He can take the worst thing about your past and make it to be your greatest blessing in the future.”…I broke down.  Everything made sense to me and suddenly I knew why I was there, in that moment, reading that line.  I remembered in September of last year (when I was no where near a regular church-goer…only the occasional Christmas Eve and Easter mass) a priest had come up to my birthday dinner table at Maggiano’s and say “May the worst day of your future be the best day of your past.”  Now I know that doesn’t directly tie in with what I read yesterday, but it’s close enough to the point that I now feel that priest coming to me was a major turning point in my life.  Before then, I had an idea of what God was, but no connection to Him.  He was just something I saw when I died and someone who created us.  But now, after this journey I’ve had in the short amount of time I’ve truly known Him, He is much more than that.  And the knowledge I have of Him now is powerful, but there’s more knowledge to come.  I’ve finally, finally accepted Him as my:

• Healer
• Redeemer
• Deliverer
• Strength
• Shelter
• Friend
• Father
• Restorer
• Love
• Hiding Place
• Resting Place
• Truth
• Eternal Life
• Provider
• Peace
• Shield
• Helper
• Counselor
• Hope
• Comfort

among other things, after a long time of trying.  Though I still have much to learn, it’s amazing how far I’ve come.  I’m so grateful for my church, Edge, and small group for leading me to this place, but especially thankful to that first priest, the one who opened my eyes to Jesus. 

So, that was pretty religious and spiritual, but it’s where I’m at right now.  After these realizations, I read an email that my mother forwarded me about a farmer and his corn and how he gave his neighbors good seeds so cross-pollination wouldn’t harm his plants…but the point of it all was this:

“Those who choose to live in peace must help their neighbors to live in peace. Those who choose to live well must help others to live well, for the value of a life is measured by the lives it touches. And those who choose to be happy must help others to find happiness, for the welfare of each is bound up with the welfare of all.”

I found that particularly intriguing.  I could go on and on about this, but I haven’t finished recollecting my day…and this update is already one of the longest ever written.  After everything, I went out to dinner at Olga’s (the most amazing place for salads…ever) with my family and noticed that we’ve gotten a lot closer in the past month or so than we have ever been.  I had never really heard my parents fight until the divorce started, and when they went back on their decision, things were still iffy.  But now we’ve really started to come together and have the chance to be a real family.  I enjoy that a lot. 

That was my yesterday, hope you actually took some time to read it, haha, if so it means a lot <3

Video chatting with the bestfriend that I haven’t seen in months.  I miss her.

Today I had many realizations.  However, I have absolutely no time in the world to spill my thoughts so I must bid you adieu…

<3